ctcgpoem

Poems from 'Cop to Call Girl'

All poetry on these pages are the creation of © Norma Jean Almodovar and may not be copied or used in any way without the written permission of Norma Jean.

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INDEX

Catch Me, Catch Me If You Can	Pig in a Poke(y)
Cockroaches Into the Night	Pork Chop City Sitting Pretty

Garden of Eden	Shattered Dreams
Hung out to Dry Kangaroo Court	Wedding Night Blues When I Get Home

Life Goes On	You Can't Keep a Good Woman Down
Nightmare Hotel	You Can't Make a Silk Purse out of a Sow's rear
this little piggy

You Can't Make a Silk Purse out of a Sow's Rear

There once was a woman named Penny-

Who looked like she never got any...

On top of all that, she was tall, old and fat..

And her number of suitors weren't many!

Then along came a friend, namely me..

Who she told of her sex fantasy......

But to get her ass laid, it was I who that paid..

So, they took all my freedom from me.

So, I did fifty days in the jail

For which I couldn't even post bail!

No way to appeal it, the judge signed and sealed it

And sent me away with a wail!

But, now comes the truth, so you see........

Even now I might not be free.

Three, four, six years is the sentence for doing the pennance!

But what did I do? You tell me?

The moral of story is this..

Do not help an old friend who insists!

But if she does... shoot her! You'll get out a lot sooner..

'Cause that's the way life fucking twists!

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Kangaroo Court

"I'll be the judge," the donkey declared!

"And I'll be the lawyer," the monkey he roared.

"I'll be the D.A.," cried the thirty pound rat,

As he stood on the table and took off his hat.

The ostrich jumped in, saying, "I'll be the fuzz"

When asked why on earth, he said, "Just because!"

You be the victim," they said to the elephant,

"And miss pig over there can be the malevolent."

"We must have a crime.. what did pig do?"

"Oh, what does it matter, " said the gnu.

"I know," said the elephant, when the motion was made

"Miss Pig over there tried to get my ass laid."

In a kangaroo court, a crowd did assemble

To see if the pig on the stand would but tremble.

Miss Pig sat so calmly, she held her head high.

"Not a thing did I wrong," she wanted to cry.

The D.A. pounded his fist on the table and roared

"Miss pig is a mennance and ought to be gored!"

The lawyer and judge and the court did agree

So they sent her to prison, sat down and had tea.

Catch me, Catch me, if you can!

I am a cop, I have a gun.

My gun and dick both work as one.

I rape and pilage, rob and steal.....

I do about damn what I feel.

Don't mess with me- I'll mow you down

No one is safe when I'm around.

Don't you be walkin' on my street-

I am a member L.A.'s elite.

L.A.P.D. we're number one.

'Protect and serve'- but that's no fun!

From sun up and down again,

we will always get our man!

Oh, he is innocent you say

That's allright... more fun that way

What's that you say? How can that be?

'Cause I commit more crimes than he!

So, catch me, catch me if you can!

When in L.A. I am the man

And hey, my man- I'm no one's fool!

I'm L.A.P.D. and I am cool!

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Pig in a Poke(y)

If you send a pig in a poke to the pen

You are apt to get a revolt now and then.

Beware if the pig that you send has a sword.......

She just may decide that your ox should be gored.

If the sword that she has in her hand is a pen-

A mighter sword that your bullets can't bend-

When she's backed in a corner, her sword she will draw....

Nor will she be stopped though her flesh shall be raw!

The system picked on the wrong piggy to fry

And soon they will rue the day they did try.

The pen will by far do more harm than the sword

And living well soon will sure be my reward!

Pork Chop City Sitting Pretty

You can say what you want about pork

It's just another name for a dork.

Call your thing what you will, all in all it is still

Just the meat upon which I work.

Nightmare Hotel

It's no fun at all to be locked behind bars

No fun being in a small cell

Can't see out the window to look at the stars

Yeah, being in prison is hell.

Got no one to talk to, got nothing to do..

I sit and count flies on my wall.

Time goes so slowly, and between me and you

I'd rather not be here at all!

You Can't Keep a Good Woman Down

You can torture and maim- it'll turn out the same,

There's no way in the world you'll ruin my game!

So take your best shot, 'cause you'll get only one

I will still be here when your nonsense is done.

You can make me unhappy, you can ruin my day,

But when it's all over, you will go away!

And when you are gone, you won't see me frown!

Although you may try, you can't keep ME down!

Garden of Eden

Once upon a winter's day

I set off in search of play

To California I came

To seek my fortune and my fame.

Along the way I lost my cherry

To the man I had to marry

Lost my cherry, lost my mind

Left my innocence behind

Praised the lord and learned to screw

Ask the sisters what to do.

When they found out what I had done...

I married til I was twenty one.

Left the church and Al behind

Finally found some peace of mind.

Short lived peace was not for me-

I joined good old L.A.P.D.

When I Get Home

When I get home, I will shave my legs

And when I get home, I'll have ham and eggs.

Oh,to be safe in my very own bed

And into the arms of the man I wed.

When I get home, I will finish this book,

When it is don and whatever it took. . .

I've paid the price dearly for speaking my mind

But it's truly been worth it- I hope I'll still find!

Life Goes On

Tragedies befall you

And you think life's at an end

Misery with misfortune

seems to be your only friend

You just want to get far away-

Let trouble know you've gone

Amazing as it seems today

You find that life goes on.

Cockroaches Into the Night

Marching across the swamp to the north

And across the great void on the right,

The comrades linked arms as they marched forth

Like cockroaches into the night.

"We'll take her by storm," cried the bug-eyed rat

"And we'll leave not a strip on the bone.

Does she think she'll ever survive all that?

'Cause we will never leave her alone!"

Thus Ms. Piggy's world was so crudely invaded

Intruded upon her most private affairs.

They pillaged her papers, her poems they degraded

And laughed as they dragged our poor pig down the stairs.

Hung out to dry

They'll never give up 'till you're dead...

Even then, they won't stop, I'm afraid.

If it's your ass that they're after

You will hang from the rafter

Either that or it's off with your head!

Shattered Dreams

When all of our dreams have been shattered

And we're lost like a little child

When all of our heroes have scattered

And the hills of glory grown wild

Those dreams so many years woven

Those heroes, so tll and so true

Those hills, once so glorious a haven

The skies hat ae no longer blue

Who, and what will replace them?

And how shall we mend our heart?

And how shall we find our way back home?

And when do we get to start?

Tomorrow I'm Going to Jail (wedding night blues)

What bride isn't happy her wedding night

All lovely and decked out so fine?

And her waiting groom, a handsome sight

Share a toast and sip the wine!

Shouldn't a bride be blushing and have tno a care

The night she weds her man?

Together, forever, to have and to share

A life and a dream and a plan?

Surely most world agree that's the way it should be-

The ending, a sweet fairy tale.

But sadly enough, it's just not for me,

For tomorrow I'm going to jail!

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